His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Houston, we have a squirter
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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