Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
