We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
