How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize