I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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