Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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