How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
is it fun? or sober?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
