Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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