White coat. Heels.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
