Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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