ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
