she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
