I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's rum buckets o'clock
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
