When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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