I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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