can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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