Sry I called you an 8
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
