this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize