I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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