I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we're making bets on your personal life
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
