what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
