I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
