There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
