I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
