I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize