Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
