Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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