I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
