I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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