But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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