Yo dont text me then not text me
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
