So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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