The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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