thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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