Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
