No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
