She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
