But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
