Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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