One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
