I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
