I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
