update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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