I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
