theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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