You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
