and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Drake has all the answers
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
