Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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