the condom got lost in my hair
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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