Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
where are my eyebrows?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
