ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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