I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
