fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
