His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
