TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
