I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
