i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
