he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize