She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
