what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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