i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
