I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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