I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
