She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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