New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
