Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
