Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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