two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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