Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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