Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
