you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
