wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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