I never want to see another naked old woman again.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
