Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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