Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
