Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Someone came in the potted fern
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
