Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
