YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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