I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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