just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
