Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
