i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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