I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
