Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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