dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize