Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
