Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
