Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
